what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
