If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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