I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
