Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
