remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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