my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
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Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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