my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize