I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
