At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
