They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The power of my boobs compel you
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
