Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
