i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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