the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
