you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
