call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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