Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
