i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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