Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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