Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I didn't notice because vodka
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
