an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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