I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
