Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
