I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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