Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
