we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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