Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
