i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
