is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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