There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
