ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
