I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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