Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
We got so high we made milksteak
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
