oh god the rape fog is back!
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
