On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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