I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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