hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize