pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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