I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
