He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
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