i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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