i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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