saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
