It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
