i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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