i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
