i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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