Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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