guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
