he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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