38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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