ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
