Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
