i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
