This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
