is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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