I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
