I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Is Oprah even human
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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