She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
