I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
bring money and cleavage
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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