i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
