thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
