I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
