Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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