I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
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All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.