sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.