..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
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Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
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Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.