Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen