and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday