so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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