Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd