ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
