Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
