This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
