hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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