Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
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Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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